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Matt The Asian

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Matt the Asian

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Back Again... [
9/11/05 - 11:12 pm]


xlostonearthx is my community journal. It got too crowded with all the stuff on it so I made this my personal one. This time it's friend's only. I deleted all my friend's so you'll have to comment to be added. I don't want drama. If I don't add you don't get offended. It's nothing personal. It doesn't mean I hate you. I switched back because the other one became too public. I can't write some of the things I want to anymore. Some things are personal and I only feel comfortable with certain people knowing. You can't say you don't keep things from me. Read my info page for more information before commenting. Then if you think you make the cut fill out the app. and I'll let you know. And don't be a whore. Fill out the app. completely.

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I love you all. But everyone has their dirty little secrets. And not everyone can handle them.
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Pressin On...all my Distress is going going gone...Pressing on Pression on... [
3/18/05 - 10:56 am]
Well hmmm...I haven't written in here in a while...

Anyhoo...due to recent events it seems that as some of you can't handle what it written in here...why I'm not sure...but in any case that seems to be the problem. So to solve this problem I've decided to make a friends only journal. My new one is xLostOnEarthx...so yeah...leave a comment and depending on who you are I'll add you...and no...I'm not hiding anything...I'm still gonna update this one every once in a while...but I just feel that some things are getting more and more personal and I really dont want the whole world reading about it....need some change as well...
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[
3/13/05 - 12:33 pm]
[ mood | I'm Not Okay...I Promise... ]

What is love...?

That was our topic in church today. Did you know that 1 out of every 3 ppl is abused either physically or sexually...? I learned that today in church as well...great topic...:/...The pastor went into how if we would pick every third person in the room and put them on one side then those would be all the ppl to be abused. Grr...I didn't like talking about it...it made me really uncomfortable...In all honesty...I'm fed up with this effin thing...I'm fed up with everything...I was so pissed off in church today...you have no idea...I'm not even sure why exactly...but yet just one thing after another kept pissing me off more and more. It's bull crap...who are you to judge me...? Who are you to condemn me...it's my life and I can do whatever I want. Sure I have morals...and I stand strong on them...but I'm no way near perfect...I hate this you know...none of you know me...you think you do..but you know...you're wrong. I'm not happy at all...I don't know who I am anymore...who I want to be...I don't even know what I believe in...yet I walk around and smile...act like everything's ok. Haha...I should have a friggin ton of grammy's for all the acts I put on...and like I said...none of you really knew did you...? Yeah...that's what I thought. I'm tired of all this bull crap...too many dumb and ignorant ppl in the world...and you know...Christians are some of the worst cases...I would know...I am one of them...you all think you know so much. You're all so quick to judge and condemn the non-believers...the sinners. Well I hate to break it to you...but you're no saint...so get over it. Our religion is based on love and forgiveness...yet all of you continue to forget that. It's sad really...I can't believe how blind the world really is...

What is love...it's a piece of crap...
Screw all of this..I'm done with this thing...

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[
3/11/05 - 3:35 pm]
Hey don't really feel like updating...so yeah...

STOLE THIS FROM MATT
"X" the ones you have done
(x) snuck out of the house
(x) gotten lost in your city
( ) saw a shooting star
(x) been to any other countries besides the united states
( ) had a serious surgery
(x) gone out in public in your pajamas
(x) kissed a stranger
(x) hugged a stranger
(x) been in a fist fight
( ) been arrested
( ) laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose [Lemonade. Owwwww]
(x) pushed all the buttons on an elevator
(x) swore at your parents
( ) been in love
(x) been close to love
(x) been to a casino
( ) been skydiving
( ) broken a bone
(x) skinny-dipped
(x) skipped school
(x) flashed someone
( ) saw a therapist
(x) done the splits
(x) played spin the bottle
( ) gotten stitches
( ) Tried to drink a whole gallon of chocolate milk in one hour
(x) bitten someone
( ) been to niagara falls
(x) gotten the chicken pox
( ) crashed into a friend's car
( ) been to japan (Close lol...not too far away)
(x) ridden in a taxi
(x) been dumped
(x) shoplifted
( ) been fired
( ) had a crush on someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
(x) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher
( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
( ) been to europe
(x) slept with a co-worker (not like that though you dirty)
( ) been married
( ) gotten divorced (been through one...it sucked/s)
( ) had children
(x) seen someone die
(x) had a close friend die (way too many...:(..)
( ) been to africa
( ) driven over 400 miles in one day
( ) been to canada
( ) been to mexico
(x) been on a plane
( ) seen the rocky horror picture show
( ) thrown up in a bar
(x) purposely set a part of myself on fire (not as funny as jeff and brandon though lol...that was great...)
(x) eaten sushi
( ) been skiing/snowboarding
(x) met someone in person from the internet
( ) lost a child
( ) gone to college
( ) graduated college
(x) tried killing yourself
(x) fired a gun
(x) purposely hurt yourself
(x) taken painkillers
(x) missed some one

yeah...that's about it...sorry so boring...
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[
3/10/05 - 5:07 pm]
[ mood | thinking... ]

Ok...so today's entry...well...its just gonna reflect on some stuff...nothing really worth writing about besides that anyways...

So as usual there's alot on my mind....I think too much...and believe it or not...it's a pretty bad habit....gosh...I just look at my life...so much has changed. It's weird...the person I am now...I didn't expect to end up this way...I'm not saying it's bad...just not what I expected. It seems like such a long time ago having married parents. I've been through so much with this divorce...it's changed me alot...and it still is...because unfortunately my parents still won't let go....it sucks...I honestly don't have a family anymore. I don't want to talk about it either...there's so many people I don't talk to anymore...it saddens me...I really wish things were like they used to be. I remember when I had to deal with girl drama and all this other stupid and petty stuff which then I thought was a big deal. Hearing the latest gossip and being apart of the "in crowd". I mean I always had alot of friends...but never really hung out with the popular kids outside of school. Now....things have changed so much. Now I deal with death and so many other things....longing for that old drama....It's interesting how our world works...its so disgusting if you ask me...but that's just my opinion. Grr...thinking is the devil lol. Alot on my mind still...but you know what...its not really any of your business...and I don't really feel like talking about it...sorry. Think what you guys want...I don't need comments or advice...just kinda venting....I'll be fine...I guess....I guess I just didn't realize how good I had it...

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[
3/9/05 - 5:03 pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

Nothing exciting happened today...I don't even feel like updating this much...

Today's post is going to be a rant because honestly I have alot on my mind and I need to get it off. So today in school I was pondering on why our society is constantly striving for "unity". Then I came to the conclusion that unity is a load of bull. For example we can no longer say "one nation under God..." in the pledge of the legiance...we don't even say it anymore. And now they're considering taking "In God We Trust" off of coins and no longer swearing on the bible in court. I'm sorry, but that really chapps my ass...God is the foundation of our country...that's what it was built on...so why change it. Just because some whiny jibby complained because they don't believe in God well who cares. I say screw them...they don't like it then they can leave the U.S. And I'm not saying that they have to believe in it...but the U.S. was founded as a nation of God so it should stay that way. And I'm all about respect...I definitely think we should all respect eachother, but like I said the whole unity thing is bull. I'm not about to give up my morals and beliefs just because of some whiny foreigner. I'm mean...the U.S. today is basically saying you can believe in w/e you want, but to me it seems like you're not allowed to believe in God. *Shakes angry fist*...you're not gonna make everyone happy so you mise well leave everything how it is. Leave everything we have with God in it alone...because if that's your true belief then you should be proud. And for all of those who complain go ahead and complain. No one cares and no one is making you stay here. Like I said I'm not about to no longer speak of God because you don't like it...get over it...or leave...simple as that. And one final note...FAMILY SUCKS ASS!!! Yeah that's right...what's one even good for...

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[
3/8/05 - 1:45 pm]
Hmm...I don't update this thing as often as I used to...It's actually kinda nice...this thing had become a bad habit...but now I think that's finally died...it's nice not being so dependent on this thing anymore...

So yesturday I'm pretty sure nothing exciting happened...went to Walmart and Blockbuster with my brother and father...rented the Notebook...that was a good movie...so what if its a chick flick...I liked it so fuck you. Other than that though I didn't do anything...Glad to hear you had a good Bday Nate...Oh I did talk to Jenny. Supposedly I'm suppose to meet Katie this Wed. Who knows...I'm excited...yet at the same time...I don't really care...lol.

Today has been actually good I suppose. Band was hilarious. Liz makes me laugh...so does Rudy. It started out Liz telling Rudy to stop masturbating with her trumpet. Then he asked me if masturabation was a sin...I didn't know what to tell him lol so I told him to ask Liz. Haha after that it turned to pure chaos...in a good way though lol. Liz started talking about sex and all this stuff...it was HILARIOUS!!! It was a nice sex ed lesson I might add...maybe she should teach a class...haha...anyways yeah. The little sperm goes "OH YEAH OH YEAH!!!" and then the teeny tiny little egg goes "Hey...get outta my womb!" Haha...it was great. "Not 'til your married..." Haha...oh my...then we got into homosexuality...it was funny...I can't show you what she did though...so if you really wanna know just ask...it'll make you crack up. After that I had to tell her what a chode was...GrRrRrRr...haha good times with the crew...I should have Gary do that for me again sometime...I miss those days...Then in Bio Jenna and I were looking at this diagram of something...I asked her what it was/what it looked like...she goes "a butt cheek?" Haha...and then she said it looked like intercourse. Such dirty ppl these days...yes for all those who don't know me very well...I'm quite dirty. I'm not perverted...but I do change everything into a sexual induendo...hmmm...I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing...it's funny yes...but I don't know if its a habit I should keep lol...oh well. Well today after school I have Trio Practice...and I think that's about it. I might call an old friend tonight...who knows...I also wrote a new song...it was inspired by an inside joke between me and Nate. I think I even have the music to it as well...hope you guys like it...

~Confession Booth and Fortune Cookies~ By Me, Matt Van Beck.

Verse 1: Sitting in my car in a parking lot.
Trying to figure out all the problems I've got.
Don't know what to do, don't know where to turn.
Trying to figure out if there's a lesson to learn.

Bridge: Oh how I need some way to find advice.
Like a fortune cookie to uncomplicate life.
Searching for some truth...
I'll be your confession booth.

Chorus: So talk to me...
Just open up, let the words flow out like a melody.
And though not all things turn out just right.
Never forget if you need me I'm there.

Verse 2: Sitting in my car in a parking lot.
Trying to figure out all the problems I've got.
My brain is stuck in question mode.
And with all the pressure I've got building
I think my head will explode.

Bridge
Chorus

Verse 3: And as I'm walking down the street I stop.
Overwhelmed by all the problems I've got.
And just as my mind begins to race,
I look up to see your smiling face.
I'm here to talk if you need me to.
I'll catch you when you fall and help you through.
So no matter how crazy, no matter how stunning,
Just call my name and I'll come running...

Chorus x2
Bridge
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[
3/6/05 - 7:31 pm]
Ugh...I'm soo tired...it has been a LONG weekend...but you know...I actually have enjoyed myself.

So Friday Tra rode the bus home with me. The bus actually wasn't that bad. Kari was in a good mood (yay) and I got to talk to Ricky. He's actually a pretty cool kid...he'd be sweet if he didn't hang out with my gay brother and fat Alex but meh...whatever pops his boner I guess lol. So anyhoo we got home and chilled for a bit. WHOOPED Tra in DDR lol (it's because I'm Asian! haha) and then him, Ryan and I headed over to Jons. Got there and played Halo with Scott and Jon. Went downstairs and met Taylor. Dario was there as well as Jon, and Johnny and of course my cousin. I also met Paula...lets just say...HOEBAG!!! Haha...she has to be...she did stuff with RYAN!!! Yeah...my brother got some...maybe he's nto gay...prolly bi haha. Anyways...chilled for a little bit and then Tra and I went with my cousin to go get Ben and Kayla. Waited FOREVER because Ben wasn't suppose to hang out with Jon and then came back. Hung out some more...talked to Nicole and then Jon, Kayla, Ben, Ryan, Mike and I went to McDonalds while Tra, Dario, Johnny and Nate smoked and went to BK. McDonald's was fun. Good food...Kayla makes me laugh lol. Anyways...after that we chilled. They all got high...but you know...it was really mellow...I enjoyed it. Ben, Kayla and I got to talking about Religion and soon Ryan chimed in. Of course we still fought because he's gay Ryan, but you know...at least it was meaningful. Dario surprised me...he got really into it...he's one cool kid. Soon everyone left and it was just Tra, Jon, Ryan and myself. I wasn't bad that night...I wasn't good either...think what you want to think. So Saturday we got up and I had to take Tra to Meijers all the way on Westnedge (Jon's on flippin West Main) so he could work. Bought three JujyFruits, met Mike and Marquis, and then waited for four hours. FINALLY he got out and we headed back to his place. Went to Kyndra's and hung out with her and two other girls and then headed to my place. Kari came over. It was fun...we partied. Tra was out though at like 6:30. Haha...Tra got a marker in his ass...it was funny. Kari and I played DDR, watched Mean Creek, and yeah...just hung out. Haha...got in a fight with Dave...screw that...that's all I have to say. STOP RUNNING AWAY DAVE...TIME TO PULL THAT LITTLE HEAD OF YOURS OUT OF YOUR ASS!!! Anyways...yeah...oh saved Kari a couple smirnoff's from last night. Haha...still have a pint of Captain Morgan under my bed...but shh...haha...anyways eventually came the time to take Ms. Kari home. Did so...then went back to my place and fell asleep. This morning we got ready, picked up Kayla, headed to church. Didn't stay long though...had to take Tra back to work again. Then back to church. Church was ok...Jenny was all uber hyper...no meds...crazy kid...speaking of Jenny...I heard some interesting stuff Jen...we need to talk. Anyways then took Kayla back to my place. Watched TNBC (w00!!! He's got runs lmao) and then headed to blockbuster. *Shakes angry fist*...they didn't have Mean Creek lol. Sorry...I'm obsessed with that movie...but its REALLY good...so go get it lol. Anyways got the grudge for my Dad and then Raise Your Voice for us. Unfortunately it wasn't Raise Your Voice so we had to go back again. The guy was like..."uh...didn't I just see you...?" Lol...but yeah...came back and watched it. Surprisingly...that was a really good movie. Again go get it lol. Well you know lets recap...The four greatest movies in the world are The Nightmare Before Christmas, SLC Punk, Mean Creek, and Raise Your Voice...yes there are others...but those are the ones I love at the moment. Anyways then took Kayla home and headed off to church. Babysitting was crazy...it was mellow at first but the pretty soon it was crazy. I had all them darn little kids chasing me the whole freaken time. It was fun though...Ellijah is adorable...he's my buddy. But yeah...now I'm here. Just got off the phone with Nate. He's doing good...as far as I know anyways. Well got an email from Mr. Beno today. He brought up a really good point. He told me how he was a "good" boy today. How he didn't go to church, but that he stayed home and cleaned the house. So then he said that that would be a good topic...which is better...Going to church...or doing something good for someone else...what do you guys think? I think as long as your serving God it doesn't matter...but who knows...I could be wrong. Beno if you read this leave a comment...haha..it'll be nice to hear from my girlfriend (long story...don't ask). But yeah...today was actually a nice day. The weather was swEEt! And I dont know...everything was just..calm. This whole weekend was nice...I hope it stays that way...but knowing my luck...it probably won't. Well I'm out...very tired...so most of you tomorrow...
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[
3/4/05 - 1:37 pm]
Well I just made a damn fool of myself...sitting here in BCA...and yeah...I didn't mean that Jon or Codie...I just feel dumb now haha...

Anyways...last night was insane...I have this friend who gets beaten by her Dad. It happened last night and she asked me to pick her up...unfortunately her Dad caught me...I almost got in deep crap...wasn't even sure if I would of made it home...it was so stupid...I knew in the back of my head it was her Dad...but I talked to him anyways...Please...just everyone pray...Im gonna find a way to get her to a safe place...I have to...I think it's what God's telling me to do...

So tonight Tra is coming over and we're going to Jon's...my last entry was rude...I'm sorry...I was just in a bad mood. I know my boundaries...I'm not stupid so don't worry...but still...I hope I have fun...it should be interesting though...I guess I'll find out...

Hope you all have a great weekend...
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[
3/3/05 - 1:23 pm]
So I haven't updated in a while...I don't know...this thing is just getting kinda old...oh well...

So nothing too eventful has happened this week really. Tuesday there were a couple fights. Nick kicked Alex's ass haha...and poor Nathaniel got whooped on my Cesear...who knew the Mexian had it in him haha...Oh and then today Matt Richie and Jessie Sievers got caught fucking in the girl's bathroom...that's just raunchy to me...but whatever pops the cherry I guess...haha. Small groups last night was kinda lame. Just hung out with Adam and Sandy...didn't really feel like talking to anyone. Oh well...that's just too damn bad isn't it...you know I love you guys anyways. Also had a dentist appointment...have 2 cavities because I don't floss...who cares...I've had them forever because my Dad never rescheduled an appointment from last summer...so yeah...I guess I get them filled in a week or two. Tra's riding the bus home with me tomorrow and we're heading to Jon's...it should be interesting...I know what it's gonna be like...and I know what I'm gonna do...yeah it's not healthy...but you know...I don't really care...I know in the end on judgement day I'll regret it...but right now...I'm seizing the moment...

So I really just don't care about anything anymore lately. I haven't eaten much in the past few days...just haven't had an appeitite...who knows...fighting alot with my family...My dad, brother and I got in a huge fight yesturday in the car. Im surprised we didn't crash...don't piss me off...and don't fuck with me when I am. Screw them all you know...yeah...this post has been interesting I guess...but you know...think what you guys want...say what you want...but that's how it is...don't like it...well then that's just too bad for you isn't it...?
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